Sunday, February 22, 2015

Sometimes it's a work in progress...

Okay, so originally I had this vintage clamp-arm light, like a million years ago, sitting on our work-bench desk in our cottage in Sparrowbush. Then we moved to Callicoon, I had it clamped to something, then it fell off, I wanted to attach it to the Freeman's console in our living room, but there was no electrical outlet on that wall, so I gave up on that idea, put the clamp lamp in the attic, and never thought of it again.

Until today! 

So here's what happened: I bought this unbelievably awesome, though very discolored alabaster lamp at a thrift store in Jeffersonville. For $20.00! If you're not familiar with alabaster lamps, maybe you don't know that they typically sell for about $75-$125.00 a pop so you can imagine I was pretty chuffed when I came home with this lamp for a mere $20.00. Albeit, my dad did spend a fair amount of time working on it with a brillo pad to lessen the yellow-ish patina (this is an example of bad patina) which my mom speculated came from years spent in a pro-smoking household.*

But after a fair amount of polishing, the lamp was significantly revitalized, and I was pretty darn sure I wanted to put it in my living room, on that god-damn console. Which still didn't have an electrical outlet behind it. But today, I was not to be deterred. With determination in my eyes, I decided to do the extreme. Let me just make a disclaimer now- this quite possibly falls into the "unrecommended" category, so read this story, laugh at my insan-o photographs, but you probably should not add it to your "to-do" list without consulting a professional (psychological), an electrician, and/or your insurance agent.

That said, basically I drilled a hole in my living room floor, down into the tiny crawl space that runs under my living room (in my defense-- fully insulated, completely dry, utterly closed to the outside elements), climbed into that tiny crawl space under my living room and then pulled an extension cord (again-- in my defense-- an exterior grade extension cord intended for outdoor use) through the crawl space and plugged it in-- in my basement. Yep. That's right. I now have a lamp plugged in, in my living room, in my basement. That's some bargain-basement electrical work right there. It was also a personal feat, where I had to tell myself not to have a claustrophobia-induced panic attack about fifteen times in the four minutes I was "in the hole". And seriously people. This space is about 20" high, and about as long, deep, and dark as a 20" hole RUNNING THE LENGTH AND DEPTH OF MY LIVING ROOM would be. And by that I mean long, deep, and dark. So obviously, I wore a head lamp. And a balaclava. And gloves. And running shoes. In case I had to run from the rabid squirrel colony I discovered living in the cavernous 20" tall hole under my house.

Can I emphasize again that this is NOT how this should be done? I should hire a PROFESSIONAL electrician to install an outlet in our living room. But that would be the reasonable, typical method and THAT just ain't my style.  : )

So, I drilled a hole in my living room floor, set up my beautiful alabaster lamp, took this gorgeous photograph, and then went upstairs to do some jumping jacks.

Yes. I said jumping jacks. I was doing jumping jacks because I was planning to go to the gym this afternoon, but then I went to this crazy inflatable bouncy castle play-space with Julian instead, which was awesome but not as good for my glutes as the gym...

So--- I went upstairs and while I was doing jumping jacks, I remembered the clamp lamp sitting up in the attic. And I thought, "Actually. I really always wanted that clamp lamp on that Freeman's console table..."

So after finishing my brief stint with exercise (cut short by my desire to test out the clamp lamp ASAP) I came down and moved my brand-new antique alabaster lamp into the dining room, where it also looks fantastic and really lights up my taxidermied fox!

Then, I set the clamp lamp up in the living room, which is where it now resides, delightfully illuminating my stuffed pheasant and my miniature house. Which are both sitting pretty on my Freeman's console... Obviously.

All in a day's work!

Though there's no saying what will happen tomorrow, based on the amount of lamp movement that's happened in the past 24 hours. 

*This really makes me want to take a second. If this is what second-hand smoke does to MARBLE, can you imagine what that person's lungs look like? Yo. That's serious. 

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